Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Saturday, May 18, 2013

What's motherhood made of?

This is not exactly a Misha Man update.  This is more of a Molly update.  I know; you worried "Duly Noted" suddenly became a full fledged baby blog.  Don't fret.  I am still here.  But, I am experiencing momification.

As I move from stroller to rocking chair to cozy leather chair, I get my first tastes of motherhood. What's motherhood made of?  Milk and music, blankets and books, tea, baths, and meandering walks.

The day is broken into fragments.  Go for a walk (or run!)...go home.  Go to the market...go home.  Sit at the coffee shop...go home.  It is much too risky to pair two outings together- however brief- if the faintest possibility of hunger (mine or Misha's) lingers.

With Mike working, I surround myself with music, blankets, and books.  Blankets hang over armchairs and books pile on end tables.  With Misha curled in my arms, I wrap a blanket around the two of us and pick up whichever book I left there.  Prone to reading a few books at a time, I enjoy the scattered nature of this reading habit.  If my eyes are too tired or my hands too full, I put on some music (Bob Marley, Bach, or Songza) and let it fill the space.

What else?  Cups of earl grey or irish breakfast tea with generous pours of soy milk.  Long baths in herbal connections.  Walks through our Minneapolis neighborhood underneath the flowering trees, smiles at passerbys oogling at baby.  Children playing in the park and visualizations of Misha growing into a little boy.  Runs along river road- at last!- with Rachel the dog wagging her tail.  

These are the sensory, tangible snapshots of my early days of motherhood.

In the children's book, All The Things I Love About You, the mother tells her son, "I love when you hold my hand.  And even when you let go...I know I haven't."  This line stands out in the book because it doesn't fit the pattern of the other lines.  It is the first time that the mother mentions an intangible.  How could she still hold her son's hand if he lets go?

Yet, this intangible is an essential part of momification.  Whether Misha is cradled in my arms or in Mike's as I am out running, he is a constant presence swirling in my headspace.  Appropriately, Mike gave me a locket for mother's day- making tangible the invisible.  So, even when his little fingers aren't wrapped around mine, I haven't let him go.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

On My Lonesome! But not too lonely

For the last 20ish days, Mike has been traveling the west with Orange Mighty Trio. As professional musicians, touring is incredibly important because, as I understand it, there is no better way to get your name out there, grow a fan base, and make a few dollars while you're at it.

Touring goodbyes have always been tough for me. A committed adventurer of sorts, the lifestyle of the touring musician has generous appeal: new places, new people, fresh perspectives. Yet, at this point in my life, I've needed to stay home. Over the last couple years, I've realized that, if we are going to last, I would need to make peace with the idea that Mike will continue to tour and travel for as long as he can! I can deal with that reality if I discover and create passion in my own work, projects, and daily toodling.

As Mike returns home with a list of wild stories and inspiration, I can also look back on the last weeks and offer some of my own:

-Canoeing seventeen miles down the St. Croix with three girlfriends, two dogs, and an amazing array of fresh food.

-2 music and movies picnics at Loring Park

-Completing the Urban Wildland Half Marathon in 2:02:18 with a good friend and solid running buddy by my side.

-Treating myself so 4ish DQ ice cream cones (medium, vanilla) and 1 amazing Sebastian Joe's cone (oh man...what was that flavor??)

-2 hardcore runs with the most fun, tough, and hilarious runner out there. More on this in future post...

-1 short (!) haircut

-Dinner with my lovely downstairs neighbor at Midori's Floating World Cafe. A not very adventurous sushi eater, I ordered my ol' standby, the California Roll...needless to say, I was perfectly satisfied.

-A successful shopping trip. Of course, I bought fancy dresses instead of work clothes...more on this in future post...

-An unreasonable number of walks and runs with Rachel. In fact, it seemed that each time my mother called, I was (surprise) out walking with Rachel. Rachel was the BEST company ever these last weeks (except for the night of the awful thunderstorm...)

-planning and beaming over the exciting lessons I'll be teaching this fall!

So, as my hardcore/hilarious runner friend put it, "You've learned that you can live without Mike." Actually, that's not my point at all. The point here is: I have learned my passion(s) in life extend beyond my relationship, as they should! Further, I can take care of myself and bring joy to my own days. And, to be honest,this wasn't always true.

I believe someone wise once wrote/said, you cannot truly love someone else, until you love and accept yourself. The best love is one that is not possessive or needy, but comfortable and sure. Judging from my own journey, I'd say that's about right.